When Your Partner Can No Longer Drive: 5 Tips to Help

• Driving services and public transport: With an increase in driving services (like Uber), and greater accessibility to public transportation options,  there’s less of a need to have a license and car. 

• The cost financially and environmentally:The cost of driving can be expensive from insurance, to owning a car and the maintenance it takes to keep it running then add the cost of gas and driving can be a pretty expensive endeavor. There’s also the environmental impact of owning a car as well. According to the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), “A typical passenger vehicle emits about 4.6 metric tons of carbon dioxide per year.”

• Medical conditions:There are certain medical conditions including vision problems like macular degeneration, cataracts, seizure disorders or dementias that can cause one to stop driving. Maybe your reflexes aren’t what they once were or maybe you just don’t feel safe being behind the wheel anymore.

2.  Don’t be a back seat driver! We all know the stress of encountering a “back seat driver,” Bill shares that he became what he calls a “front seat driver.” He says, “The most difficult thing I faced as a former driver is that I became a ‘front seat driver.’ My wife Lorraine is a very good driver with no accidents or tickets but it was getting used to her not driving the way I did that I had to adjust to. My comments ended up being about trivial things like how we held the steering wheel differently or how we would handle stop and go traffic. All of these things were completely unnecessary on my part and something I’ve had to overcome."

Lorraine agrees, “It's been a challenge to have a person in the front seat all the time and adjusting to any anxiety they may have about their safety or change in driving style.”

3.  Bring something to read. Bill strongly recommends bringing something to read for the ride, “When you’re reading, you don't see things that your driver does and you won’t be tempted to say, ‘Watch this guy on your right!’ or ‘How long do you plan staying in this left lane?’ things that will only stress out your spouse.”

4.  Schedule time apart. If you’re the driver, schedule alone time in the car once in a while. Lorraine shares, “One thing that I do really miss is time alone in the car. It's heaven to head out on your own and I loved that but I don’t want to hurt Bill’s feelings so I now schedule some shopping trips on my own.” Don’t feel badly about taking the time you need. Have a conversation about it so you each can articulate your needs. If this is a sticking point, plan it so that your non-driving partner has something to do while you’re out on your own.

5.  Be sensitive. Lorraine shares, “Be sensitive as the only driver and aware that your spouse has really given up control and that's hard for anyone to have to do, no matter the reason. Do everything you can to ease their frustration and anxiety if you’re able. Be patient, remember that we would all like to drive as long as possible.”